The inevitability of death scares everyone. Even for a child with innocent mindset, it is hard to live with the fact that someone, may it be a friend or a family member, is no longer with them. Older individuals tend to shield a child of such tragedy. We can understand why parents and other people do this. However, dealing with the truth is always better than keeping children at the gray area of confusion and cover-ups.
But, how do you tell a tragic story of death to a child? Read more below.
Discussing Death to a Child
Contrary to popular practice, it is best for an older member of the family or a parent to explain death and its effects to a child. Such involvement will make children understand the concept of what leaving this world means and how they can healthily cope with it afterwards. Moreover, it is best not to assume a child’s reaction about the news. Depending on their age, manner of discussion and your support, your child will understand it wholeheartedly.
The best way of discussing death to a child is by being honest, concise and open. This communication will open to a child’s meaningful and helpful coping choices not only for the funeral service but up to the long run as well.
Explaining Funerals, Memorials, Cremations and Traditions
Children will find themselves asking as to why there is a need for a funeral. To handle such question, try to explain it with positivity. You can say that funerals are celebration of memories and love that a family has for the deceased. You can also mention the fact that everyone, including friends and far relatives will come together to share memories and life stories with the deceased. A funeral is their last chance to say goodbye.
Every family has a distinct way of traditions for the dead. If you have one, explain how it works and how your child can participate. As to the technicalities of cremation, your child will wonder as to how the deceased person’s body end up in an urn. Slowly explain the concept to him and reassure that cremation does not hurt.
How to Encourage Memorial Participation from a Child
- Pre-funeral – Depending on their age, they can write, draw or gather memorial pictures and remember their lives with that person. As for older kids, they can help in arrangements and other chores.
- Funeral or Ceremony – Your child can do readings (as instructed), be a casket escort, offer a song or simply participate in customs.
- Post-funeral – Let your child offer flowers to guests and family members, he/she can bring a memento to symbolize his grief to the deceased or share a meal together with family and friends after the service.
Youth participation in such tragic event is difficult. However, with honest and open communications, they can understand how they can help and how they can cope with death.
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