Funerallink Blogs

Tag: Loss

  • Caring for Someone Who is Dying

    Caring for Someone Who is Dying

    Often, we are put in a situation where it’s hard to accept the fact that death is coming. In these times, not only are you confused, you’re also dealing with feelings associated with loss such as grieving, regret, anger and more. However, such emotional responses should not be a hindrance to your delivery of care especially when a person is not expected to live more than a few days or weeks.

    Here are ways of how you can show your love to them.

    Let the Dying Person Take the Lead

    Once news breaks out that there isn’t much time left, some people deny it, some people come as strong, direct and blunt, while others sweep the issue under the rug. The truth is, it doesn’t matter how family members and close friends feel. What really matters is the dying person’s wishes.

    It is important that you listen to cues or what he’s intending to say. For example, expressing thoughts about missing a particular event, or not being able to attend a family reunion is a clear sign that he wants to talk more about the death but isn’t aware of how he’ll approach the issue. As family members, let him take the lead and let him decide of when to talk about it.

    Be Clear that You Understand the Situation

    In these situations, different people cope up differently regarding the matter. Some individuals are okay with being honest while others avoid talks of death. As mentioned in the first tip, you’ll have to let the person take the lead as this will steer the conversation in the right manner.

    Playing dumb or not being honest as to whether you know about what’s going to happen next will make them feel disrespected and lied to. If they ask, just give them a brief and direct answer.

    Avoid Regrets by Saying, “Please Forgive Me.”

    Whatever kind of relationship you may have with the dying person, now’s the time to let go of regrets by asking for forgiveness. Grudges, disappointment and frustrations are bound to nowhere and the only thing you can do to set your heart free from negativities is by asking for forgiveness.

    At the same time, whether or not the person has asked for forgiveness, it is best to take this opportunity to give them your forgiveness.

    Appreciate the Person’s Existence by Saying, “Thank You.”

    At the end of one’s life, we can all contribute or at least honor their existence by saying “thank you” to them. Such a saying gives them a sense of dignity and pride before leaving this world.

     

    Photos: Pexels.com

  • Do Arts Help Us With Grief?

    Do Arts Help Us With Grief?

    The onset of the pandemic shifted the world’s entire view in a 360-degree turn. Our normal way of living has been challenged and strategically re-arranged to fit the virus’ demands. One of the greatest devastations of the pandemic is the lives it claimed and the anxiety it brought not only to the people but to the psychological, emotional, economic and political aspects of the world.

    In this regard, emotions of grief, loneliness and isolation is prevalent among the people. Because this new normal is shifting our ways of acknowledging emotions and dealing with pain, we’ll look into a more isolated solution for addressing grief.

    This article will discuss on how indulging yourself in the arts can help with emotions of grief.

    A Look into the Grieving Brain

    When a person is grieving, several brain parts such as frontal cortex, amygdala, and cerebellum are activated. These brain parts are responsible for emotional processing, cognition and memory.

    One’s sadness intensity is linked to the activity in the amygdala. If there is a strong connection between the amygdala and frontal cortex, the person will have a better chances of managing his emotions.

    If, however, the connection is weak, the effect can vary from deteriorating mood to complicated grief. What’s more, such complexity, can interfere to the person’s adaptation of a deceased’s loss and lead to unhealthy coping mechanisms.

    Arts as Saving Grace for the Grieving

    Grief is unique for every person. As such, there is no standard way of addressing it. But, one of the lessons you can take from each experience is that you will evolve and adapt to the changes.

    While every person can address grief in a unique manner, there are healthier avenues such as arts and creativity that will alleviate (to a certain degree) the pain of loss. Let’s look at the following examples.

    1. Keeping a Grief Journal

    One way of acknowledging your emotions is by writing about them. To better reflect on your emotions, writing about them is the best way to let it resurface.

    1. Making a Sculpted Memory

    Do you have a knack for a DIY arts and crafts? If you do, then linking your physical actions to creativity is the best way to release your emotions. Using a clay-do, you can sculpt the best memory you can think of that will immortalize your love for the deceased.

    1. Doodle, Scribble or Draw

    If nothing else works, let your brain guide your hands and do its magic. Whether it’s some patterns of line, shapes, or sceneries, you have to let the emotions flow.

    As written by Rachel Naomi Remen (a noted author and holistic healer), “At the deepest level, the creative process and the healing process arise from a single source.”

  • Music and Grief: How it Helps with Your Emotions

    Music and Grief: How it Helps with Your Emotions

    Music is an element of life. This element of life has integrated cultures, traditions, lectures and even our emotions. With the right melody, harmony and words, emotions are invoked whenever, wherever. As such, there have been extensive researches on how music helps in our wellbeing, our mental capacity, and physical performance.

    If there’s one aspect that music greatly affects, it’s our emotions and moods. Music alleviates stress, improves our concentration and allows us to feel a range of emotions. When it comes to grief, it has been determined that music helps with feelings of loneliness, denial and acceptance.

    Here’s how music helps with one’s feeling of grief.

    Music Gives Everyone a Venue to Express Big Emotions

    Our bodies and mind are affected with music in a way that is powerful and impactful. When music moves us, we display our feelings through movements or other expressive manners. Often, it allows for us to address our deepest emotions that makes us release whatever that’s burdening us in a healthy manner.

    Music Provides a Safe Place to Feel Emotions of Loss

    When we listen to a lonely song, it makes us feel that in every part of it, we can relate to its content. Making us feel vulnerable and open to whatever emotions we’re feeling right then and there.

    Music Calms The Mind, The Body and The Heart

    Overcoming grief is a complicated matter. It disrupts the normal course of the mind, makes the body agitated and the heart depressed. The emotions that arise from grief are anxious, frustrations, upset, and lonely. Thus, we need a to calm ourselves and regulate our emotions. Music is a scientifically-proven way to do so.

    Music Allows us to Remember Who We Are

    One of the greatest things about music is that it allows us to be a part or a reminder of who we are and what role to play when we had that person in our lives. At the same time, it provides a safe venue for everyone to connect with their spiritual roots and will give you your sense of purpose.

    Music Lets You Honor Memory of Loved Ones

    Like what we mentioned earlier, music allows you to take part in something that is bigger than ourselves. As such, it allows you to connect with people no longer in this world. Because you connect your departed one in a song, you can remind yourself of the memories you’ve had with the person.

     

    Photos: Pexels.com

  • Stories of Grief and Loss of Medical Frontliners

    Stories of Grief and Loss of Medical Frontliners

    Nowadays, our medical frontliners have become the face of the pandemic. They embody the best of what humanity has to offer and at the same time, they are the tragic collateral damage of healthcare systems that are corrupt and broken a long time ago.

    While there are other service providers that we can consider as frontliners today, we cannot deny the fact that these medical professionals are the first point of contact between the virus and the people. With that said, we’re going to shed a light on how these modern day superheroes manage the hardest days and how they overcome such tragic circumstances.

    Story 1: Nurse and Midwife

    “For me, this pandemic only highlighted the worst in our society. It’s injustice, unequal privilege and unjust reproductive healthcare systems. There are instances where a pregnant woman would come into the emergency room asking for our help without the capacity to pay. These women are living paycheck to paycheck.

    With businesses, offices and organizations closing down, they have no means of surviving in the middle of the pandemic. Even worse, these mothers have children to feed. For us who get to see such heartbreaking sight, we feel powerless and incapacitated. We can only do so much for them but what really hurts is the fact that the government doesn’t seem to understand the gravity of these situations.”

    Story 2: Pulmonary Care Critical Physician and Associate Professor

    “There’s a level of guilt that I always experience when a person dies from this horrible virus. As a healthcare provider, there’s always that feeling of regret or continuous what-ifs because you are taking care of a person. We must always perform at our highest capacity. But, because of this pandemic, we are put in a situation where we can’t seemingly put our best feet forward because there’s nothing we can do. “

    Story 3: Emergency Room Nurse

    “I was put into isolation for two weeks because the entire team had a close contact with a covid-infected patient. Unfortunately, this means that we have to be away from our family and what’s even more terrifying is that we have to wait for our swab test results. I understand when people say that it’s hard to get locked up in your home. But, it’s even harder when you have to be locked up and be fearful of the virus because of your profession.”

     

    Photos: Pexels.com

  • Funeral Directors and How They Adapt to the New Normal

    Funeral Directors and How They Adapt to the New Normal

    In this article, we’ll be reading one funeral director’s experience of navigating through the risk of the pandemic, offering heartfelt services and coping with the pain they experience as they are the last responders of grief, loss and burden.

    Nathan Streed, owner of Harvey Anderson and Johnson funeral homes usually wake up at 6 in the morning and cap the day at 5:30 in the afternoon. However, since the Covid-19 has taken so many lives from the day it started, Streed’s phone never stopped ringing.

    Streed is on the edge of such circumstances as these deaths are not only beyond lonely, they’re also risky. Funeral directors such as Streed has to navigate through the processes and provider services for families that are grieving in these uncertain times.

    Funerals, unlike before have taken a toll to funeral directors’ mental, physical and emotional health. These end-of-life rituals are conducted in a restricting manner, limiting physical attendants to half the building’s capacity and ensuring social distancing, hand sanitizing, and masking requirements all throughout.

    What’s more, funeral directors are forced to reinvent mourning processes such as livestreaming and virtual sessions. However, this technological advancement is not always available for those who can’t afford it. This information alone makes funeral directors feel disheartened and lonely.

    Mourning and accepting grieve is made easier when people gather together, share heartwarming stories, they’ll laugh, cry and eventually move on. But, with this pandemic, this is not possible. For Streed, this is a huge loss.

    “As funeral director, he gives his best to help out. It’s very difficult and it’s very challenging because we have to go above and beyond our normal scope of services and be human in these times”, Streed said.

    Other services are reportedly postponed until the pandemic ends. For some, it is important to be safe now and hold a remembrance event or a memorial later when everything’s okay.

    However, such delay poses an incomplete mourning process. There can be moments where a family looks over and fails to accept the loss already. Some moments can be, “we’re okay with it” and others, “we still miss our beloved dearly.”

    Depending on the decision of the family and the urgency for the celebration, others choose to hold a semblance of a funeral. For example, family members going for work in another state and cannot attend the event will choose to remember their departed through a memorial type funeral.

    This is where funeral directors come in and offer solutions fit for the family.

  • Managing Grief on Mother’s Day

    Managing Grief on Mother’s Day

    Mother’s Day is here again and we can witness flowers, cakes, balloons and all things bright as we honor great mothers from all around the world. However, for some families that lost their moms, this day is a constant reminder that their beloved is forever lost and they can only reminisce of their time and memories.

    While you may feel grief and loneliness, you may have the urge to honor your beloved wonderwoman on this day. Here are some ways you can manage your grief and at the same time celebrate the memory of your mom.

    1. Make a Mother’s Day Card

    There’s no escaping the tradition of Mother’s Day Cards during the month of May. If you feel emotional whenever you look at one, then it might be a great form of release and expression to buy one and pour your feelings in that venue. Look into the memories you want to look back, ask yourself anything that you may want to share and understand what you want to relay in your card.

     

    1. Set a Place

    Do you enjoy a heartwarming dinner with your mom back then as a celebration of Mother’s day? If you did, then it’s a great option to set up a dinner table with the intention of including her as if she’s enjoying the moment with you and your family. At the same time, the dinner can be a heartening venue for each family member to reminisce their favorite memory with your late mom.

     

     

    1. Bring Favorite Flowers to Your Mom’s Grave

    One of the greatest expressions of love you can make for your mom is to give her flowers. These bright colored flowers will surely give her a smile, despite the fact that she’s not here with you. Purchase your mom’s favorite flowers and place it on her grave. Give yourself some time to reflect and reminisce your time with your mom.

     

    1. Visit a Mom-Figure

    In your life, there are instances where you’ll not only have your mom by your side. But, other mom-figures can also alleviate your emotions of longing. If you have other mom-figures such as aunt, grandmother, godmother or even a friend who’s a senior member of the society, pay them a visit. Instead of feeling alone and lonely on Mother’s day, you can use it to light up another mom’s day.

     

    1. Donate or Volunteer

    If by chance you have the extra time or you may not have ample time to go out and celebrate, you can choose to donate to your favorite charity institution that caters to all kinds of mom. If you want to reach out and give your personal touch, volunteering is a great way of spending Mother’s Day, too.

    Missing your mom on Mother’s Day is valid. Your feelings of longingness and loneliness is a natural response to such occasion. But, always keep in mind that whatever your heart tell you, you must follow. If you want to cry it out and listen to songs that remind you of your mom, then do it. There’s no right or wrong way to grieving.

     

    Photos: Pexels.com

     

  • Dealing with Survivor’s Guilt

    Dealing with Survivor’s Guilt

    When a tragedy hits, we may find ourselves thankful for the chance. Other times, we may feel the unwanted guilt it brings. A survivor is always grateful for the chance of life. However, as he darts through the course of life, he will remember the tragedy in details and will always wonder, the could haves and the what ifs.

    Survivor’s guilt is a common reaction to traumatic or life-altering events wherein a person was able to overcome the incident while seeing other people perish. Feeling extreme guilt over a person’s passing is a symptom of post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD) wherein professional help is needed for intervention.

    Who Suffers From Survivor’s Guilt?

    People who may suffer from survivor’s guilt are but not limited to the following:

    1. Parents who outlive their child/children.
    2. Medical personnel
    3. First responders
    4. Natural disaster survivors
    5. War veterans
    6. Individuals involved in a traumatic event
    7. Family members who lost a loved one to suicide

     

    What are the Symptoms of Survivor’s Guilt?

    These are the most common symptoms displayed by a person suffering from survivor’s guilt.

    • Irritability and anger
    • Helplessness, confusion and chaotic attitude
    • Disconnecting from family
    • Problems sleeping such as insomnia
    • Headches, migraines, stomachaches and nausea
    • Flashbacks of the traumatic event or the persons he was with
    • Obsessive thoughts and questioning
    • Thoughts of suicide or social isolation

    What are the Tips in Coping Survivor’s Guilt?

    Do you know someone who may have been suffering from survivor’s guilt? Here are tips you can share to alleviate the pain of this traumatic response.

    1. Connect with Friends or Family Members

    When it comes to feelings such as survivor’s guilt, it is crucial to share it with friends, family or a professional. Although there are instances where loved ones may not understand what you feel, this is the time to lean into support groups.

    Because of this pandemic, face-to-face interactions may be restricted. If this is the case, online communities who have experienced the same as you can help alleviate the troubles or the consequences of such feelings.

     

    1. Accept Feelings or Responses

    Because survivor’s guilt is a natural response to a traumatic event, the best thing a person can do when faced with such incident is to accept the situation. Yes, it is hard and may not come instantly but the process of acceptance is a long and grueling one. Take the time to process every step of acceptance. The grief, the anger, the loneliness, the doubt, let that all sink in.

     

    1. Be mindful and practice self-care

    Being mindful of one’s tendencies and emotions is a great way of coping up with the negativities of the situation. You can learn more about grounding techniques such as focusing in one’s breath or feeling the sensation of things around them.

    Another thing a person can try is to give himself extra TLC. Meditating, aromatherapy, yoga, or exercise are great outlets.

     

    Photos: Pexels.com

  • The Internet and Grieving: How it Changed How We Express Grief

    The Internet and Grieving: How it Changed How We Express Grief

    The revolution of technology is now constantly intertwined with how everyone lives. Unlike before when a person dies, only time would tell when their memories are buried alongside them. But now, a deceased’s digital footprint continues to live on.

    For some, this can be uneasy feeling for it reminds them of how the deceased used to live their lives with them. And, their memories live on. However, for the grieving, it is a valuable space that allows them to interact with the deceased in their state of loneliness and desperation.

    With the consistent evolution of technology and the presence of internet, how is this affecting our expression of grief? Read more to discover.

    Forever Digital Remnants

    Social media platforms, online forums and virtual spaces will forever host a person’s account unless they’ve decided to delete it. For cases of untimely deaths, account deletion never happens. Because of this, a deceased’s online persona remains.

    One of the great things that the internet has brought to the world is its sense of connectivity and community. Because there are family members who will memorialize their dear departed, people who have been friends, or at least acquaintances will mourn the death with others.

    At the same time, other social media platforms are leaning towards the trend of keeping peoples’ account at the responsibility of immediate family members. This is what they call, the “legacy” feature.

    Virtual Upkeep as Memorial

    The responsibility of keeping a departed one’s account lies on his immediate family members. With features like “legacy” or others as provided by virtual platforms, the internet allows people to mourn with the memories being flashed as part of their memorial.

    Virtual memorials replace traditional means of reliving moments. Instead of looking at the objects associated with the deceased’s life such as clothes, treasured books, and other sentimental items a virtual existence becomes a significant memory that everyone can look into and reminisce.

    A virtual upkeep allows not only immediate family members to grieve about the loss. Friends, far relatives and even online acquaintances remembers someone and connects with the family to offer words of comfort and connectivity.

    Final Thoughts

    Although nothing can replace the warmth of a physical bond, one’s love and longing can be channeled in heartwarming memories played through virtual compilations. At the same time, through the use of virtual spaces’ feature for memorialization, you can grieve and connect with others who feel lonesome as well.

  • Grieving Someone You’ve Had a Bad History With

    Grieving Someone You’ve Had a Bad History With

    There are unfortunate cases when we lose a person whom we’ve had an undesirable relationship. Their death may be sudden and that you haven’t patched up things before they’re gone, but this doesn’t mean your grief is invalid. Grief and guilt go hand in hand when you feel unforgiven. Of course, we couldn’t blame the departed one for not being able to present themselves and reconcile things with you because of their inevitable passing. However, if you’re one of those who can’t identify their own feelings, whether it’s grief, loneliness, guilt or relief, you need to address it properly before finally saying goodbye.

    Here are ways you can cope up with complicated feelings and bring closure to you and the departed soul.

    Feeling Weird is Okay

    The human mind and the human heart are as complex as a child’s tantrums for the slightest of things. No matter how sour the relationship is, there’s still a loss that occurred. If you feel weird and with lingering feelings of unexplained sides of the story, tell yourself that it is okay. Give yourself time and let your healed and forgiven heart lead the way towards closure and acceptance.

    Accepting the Good and the Bad

    When you’ve had a complicated relationship with someone, you can’t tell if the good outweighs Succumbing to tragic, heartbreaking or humiliating flashbacks with the departed person can be undesirable. But, if you want closure, you must remember that the good and the bad memories are representations of how the departed has impacted your life.

    Finding an Appropriate Channel of Expression

    There’s a saying that goes, “don’t speak ill of the dead.” Although this rings a bell for the majority of situations, communicating the unsaid is sometimes what the heart yearns for. If you have issues you need to address, do it in a healthy manner. Talk to a friend, ask for a shoulder to lean on, write a letter of forgiveness addressed to the departed one or schedule an appointment with a counselor.

    Getting Rid of Relationship Expectations

    After some time of self-talks and realizations, you’ll one day feel that the grief you’re feeling stems from unrealistic expectations. Of course, there are moments when you wished some things never happened, hurtful words were never spewed, and actions never taken. However, what’s done is done. The best thing you can do is accept it, forgive, and continue with life.

    Grief

    Finishing “Unfinished” Business

    When things aren’t resolved with a person that you’ve had a rough time with, you may feel that there’ are still a lot of things that can be done. But, with the loss of a soul, closure isn’t attainable. Breathe, take the time off and let your emotions decide what you need to do to attain calmness and forgiveness.

    As people in our life come and go, there’s no need to harbor negative emotions that puts a relationship at risk of breaking. If possible, talk things through and see what both people can do to achieve forgiveness in cases where past closeness can never be reverted. If all things fail, ask help from friends and family for this issue to achieve harmony and calmness in both lives.

    Photos: Pexels.com