How to Deal With Loss and Family During The Holidays

Mother’s Day has passed and soon it will be Father’s Day. The loss of parents or a family member can affect every surviving members differently.

Filipinos are known to be family-oriented. It has always been “family first and blood is thicker than water” as pointed out and shown to us by our elders. Family-related holidays are extra sensitive because most Filipinos mask grief really well being one of the happiest people in the world.

Filipinos love shopping malls. Most family gatherings and holiday celebrations are spent in the malls. And, why not! The mall is a one-stop-shop. It has a place for the kids to play, restaurants and fast food places to share meals, movies and cinemas, and of course, shopping. However, it is also a place of memories. Visiting the same place can be painful and stressful.

You can’t stop the brain from remembering memories of your departed loved one, however, you can get through the holidays with these few suggestions.

• Explore New Things – According to the Business Insider, Philippines is the number one country to invest in now with 6.9% GDP growth. That means change, for the better. New investments and more investors mean new places to visit, new food to try. A new you moving forward with scars of the past. It doesn’t mean you have to forget the loss. You just need to explore new surroundings, step out your house and your box and give yourself a chance to create new memories.
• Create New Traditions – Filipinos love traditions. We love matchy-matchy outfits. We even have “month-sarries” we proudly celebrate. That is how sentimental we are with traditions, which makes a loss even more painful. We can, however, remember these traditions in a more positive way by creating new ones with siblings or your children. For example on a particularly special day like anniversary, start the day by lighting a candle or visiting the church. Pick your departed loved one some flowers and have a little picnic at the cemetery with friends and family who would like to remember and honor her that day. It is important NOT to start new traditions alone. Some tears might join in between celebrations of new traditions but this time happy ones.
• Learn To Say No – Some memories are just too hard to deal with. There are some you find comfort to celebrate, but some are difficult to face. Learn your limit, and say no when a family member or a friend invite you to it. It is okay. Filipino celebrations can be overwhelming. The extra care has shown knowing that one is mourning can be overwhelming as well. Don’t force yourself to celebrate these family gatherings. Alcohol and obesity go hand in hand with grief. (Refer to Funerallink blog about grief and proper diet)  Respect your limits.

Filipinos are sentimental, we always remember. But we are our choices, too. We can choose to celebrate and face the day, or say no and tell our loved one “Maybe some other day”. It is all good. After all, grief has no timeline. We create the pace. One step at a time.

Images: Pixabay