In a country where the majority of the people around you are generally happy or choose to be happy, it is difficult to be lonely or alone, and be sad or grieve and mourn. The Philippines has a growing population of over 108 million. That is a lot of good vibes and smiling faces.
Out of the many countries in the world, the Philippines still ranks in the top 100 happiest people. According to MSN.com, “the Philippines going up two rankings in the latest World Happiness Report.” That is, from 71st to 69th spot in the Gallup World Poll survey of over 156 countries.
As much as there is always a reason to celebrate and enjoy in the Philippines, life always takes its time give us balance. A time to mourn.
A lot of us Filipinos have a hard time comforting a grieving friend or family. Most of the time, a joke would suffice when words don’t come easy. That is why most non-Filipinos who visit wakes are astonished how lively the nightly vigil is. But after the funeral and burial, it is time to grieve.
As there is no right or perfect way to grieve, here is a list of some of the best things to say to somebody who is grieving:
- “I am sorry for your loss. What can I do?”
- “You and your loved one are in my thoughts and prayers. You can always call or message me for anything.”
- “Do you want to talk about him/her?” “Do you want us to do “tasks” together?” (Ask the surviving partner which part of his/her day and routine does she struggle with doing, e.g. groceries, making coffee, going to church or even watching the evening news. Sometimes routines with the one who passed away are the most difficult for the loved ones to get through. Offer help, or if they are not ready, do these tasks for them.)
- Ask gentle questions, like: “Would it be helpful if I do your laundry?” “ Would it be alright if I bring another good friend over to keep you company, over coffee, over a certain soap opera.” Even for no reason. Just being there.
- For theist friends: “Heaven just gained another wonderful angel. Heaven needs angels, too and they got one of the best ones now watching over you.”
- Sometimes the presence is enough: “I am here for you until you’re ready to talk about your mom.” “You don’t have to talk, I am here to be with you.” “I don’t know what to say but I can listen.”
- “She is never far away.” “When you think you feel he is near, believe that he is. Angels are always near.”
- “He would be so proud of who you are now.” “He is giving you his big smiles and approves your decisions. Go for it!”
- “He was always a gentle soul. He will always be remembered.” “I hope to see you one day with a smile on your face each time you remember your dad.”
- “Take care of yourself. He may be gone but part of him lives in you. He would want that you are safe and healthy, too.” “Be kind to yourself, everybody loves you and praying for you.”
- “I love you.” “Gone but not forgotten, you’ll get through this.”
- Or hugs. Or gentle taps on the shoulders.
It doesn’t have to be big words as long as you respect grief itself.
Image source: Pixabay
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